The Teen Reporter

The only thing more frightening than a bad manicure or a horror movie is … report cards!

    Okay, sure, if you don’t do well on your report card, your mom is going to go off like a bomb during The Blitz (that's a reference to Nazi Germany's bombing of downtown London and other parts of Great Britain during World War II for the few that are failing British History).

Sometimes high school makes you want to scream

Okay students, it’s time for auditions in the role of “shrill girl screamer.” High school can sometimes make you want to scream like Esther in this video from the movie “Orphan.” (It’s probably one of the scariest movies EVER!) Even though screaming feels like the best idea when you get stressed out, it isn’t always enough. Just check out freaky Esther in this movie clip, and yes she got the part for best shrill girl scream!

High school is like one big social heirarchy

    Just like many TV shows, you'll notice that the brainless head cheerleader and the half-Neanderthal quarterback are treated like heroes in high school. They're more like undercover dictators of the student body. I mean they really control the entire social aspect of high school.

In high school, you've got to make it work

    I don’t expect a lot of guys to know about Tim Gunn, but he co-hosts the show “Project Runway” with Heidi Klum. And one of his most famous quotes is, “Make it Work!” because designers are given limited time to fashion a look on a budget based on the challenge.

What brand of teacher do you have?

Deep breath people. You’re about to be faced with one of the most important steps in a teen's life … High School!

Now, it’s time for some tips that are going to save you from drowning in academic and social suicide. I’m going to go through stress, homework, types of teachers, grades, studying, friends, and project partners. This information can be used for all four years of high school, but it’s mainly for new freshmen and incoming students.

Junk food is never a friend

    What’s more important for you to listen to, your wallet or your body?

Hey everyone, you want to know a secret?

    Well, I just read an article about healthy eating and saw how adults might actually think that all teens are vain. Shocking, I know. Anyway, the article advised parents to tell their teens the kind of stuff they’d tell younger kids like: if they drink lots of milk, they could be as tall as giants. Then, as teenagers, they’d say if we get lots of iron in our diets then we’ll ace our physics test and be able to stay up all night. The stories were ALL lies, but they’re pushing us in the right direction.

The Oompa Loompas Say: Pudginess is Sadness

Now, I know we all remember watching “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory” with our parents as kids. And watching the little orange and green Oompa Loompas sing about how Agustus was a greedy little boy and got exactly what he deserved.